By: Hafsatu Z Bangura
It takes more than the occasional great date to keep your relationship afloat, Dr Gary Chapman author of the 5 love languages: the secret to love that lasts says the key to a lasting relationship is learning love languages.
I look at the love languages as a starting point for couples that point them in a right direction for exploring how they can express love in a way that the other person finds meaningful as it all goes back to ways of paying attention.
The concept of love languages is actually quite simple. There are five of them, each describing an expression, the key is discovering which love language you and your partner responds to the most, then regularly putting that into practice.
FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION- There are verbal expressions of care and affection. For example compliments like u looked really nice today. Typically, the less generic and more specific the words, the more meaningful they feel to the recipient.
Pay attention to the thoughts you have about the person and vocalizing them. Essentially, leave a paper trail of your love through hand written notes, spontaneous texts, and meaningful specific compliments.
GIFTS- Tangible and intangible items that make you feel appreciated or noticed. For example women love flowers and luxurious gift items especially when it comes to special events that circulates on your relationship, be it a birthday event, or basic dinner remember to always shower women with these items Flowers, Perfumes, a movie night out, or dinner night out something romantically attractive to swoon her all over again as the absence of the everyday gestures of these or a missed special occasion like Anniversaries are hurtful.
Look for opportunities to physically connect with your loved one, whether it’s a hug as you cross paths in the morning or a squeeze on the knee underneath a table during a diner night out with friends or a morning kiss on the forehead as women love that or a hug from behind with a little spank on the ass and a slight kiss on the neck as you do.
ACT OF SERVICE- Doing something helpful or kind for your partner. Get into the mindset of wanting to show your partner love non-verbally, that will help reframe tasks that seem like chores, carpooling and doing the dishes, into expressions of love.
QUALITY TIME- Is a part of every relationship, but people who experience this as a love language will feel the benefits kneelier and crave time where both people are present without distraction.
Quality time constitutes engaging in an activity together particularly one you both enjoy like a walk after dinner, or seeing a movie together this helps create deep bond and connection of both partners and if this is your love language, having a distracted partner that makes you feel unseen or unheard is the biggest pitfall.
Work on being fully present with your partner and the biggest barrier to quality time is the use of cellphone as people whose love language is quality time will feel hurt if the partner is always checking on their phone or half listening while doing other things this is a total turn off for us women.
PHYSICAL TOUCH- Physical expressions of love, whether sexual or platonic, such as holding hands, a back scratch, a hug, a kiss, or intercourse, the absence of such can leave these individuals feeling isolated in a relationship especially if your partner is a PDA (Public Display of Affection) type of person.
Knowing your love language can be one of the single most important things in a relationship, without this knowledge you can miss that your partner is being loving and caring, unfortunately those lack of being loving and caring can result in a vicious cycle of resentment that can ultimately lead to divorce or break up.
If you really care and respect your partner take the time to acquaint yourself with your love language and theirs as with this knowledge, you will be equipped to meet your partner’s emotional needs start by how you like to give and receive love, when I want to show affection, how do I do it.
Next think about what makes you feel most loved and cared for, like do you feel closest to your partner when they do something helpful, or do you crave physical touch and practice each love language.
