By: Haja Hawa Koroma
Love is a familiar emotion for most people. We feel love for our pets, friends, and family. When feelings of love or what seems like love for a person are accompanied by a fixation or a desire to control another person, this could be an obsession.
No two relationships are the same but the reasons people fall out of love often are. No relationship is perfect, most have a make it or break it point and all are damn hard work.
Nobody ever sets out to be in an unhealthy relationship. We all strive for a version of happily ever after, where our needs and those of our partner are met in a shared life we dream of building together. But, for whatever reason, sometimes that doesn’t happen. Instead, what we thought was a promising relationship often turns out to be toxic. There are some common reasons why people choose to leave a relationship they’ve invested so much time and energy in.
No person would wish to walk out of a relationship especially when they still love the partner if circumstances or situations did not force their decision.
One of the reasons why a person may feel the need to walk out of a relationship is because of lack of appreciation from their partner and when people feel like they’re doing all they can for a person and yet they are not appreciated by that person, there is a tendency that they will give up on the person and stop doing what they use to do, and this may influence their decision in leaving that relationship. The emotional resources of a relationship are like any other they need to be spent and they need to be replenished.
Being openly loving and appreciative is fuel for any relationship and makes an intimate relationship different to any other. It’s easy to take each other for granted when life gets in the way and if one person is doing all the giving without getting anything back, eventually the well will run dry and so will the relationship. When one feels unimportant to the other, the emotional connection will wither in a matter of time. Everyone deserves someone who thinks they are wonderful and appreciated. Adore the people you love, appreciate them and acknowledge them.
Another reason as to why people give up on relationships is lack of emotional connection between both partners. When the friendship between them is gone, or perhaps was never there.
The love and passion that comes with the initial boost of marriage wears off within a period of time, which is why the best relationships are the ones that have genuine friendship at their core.
When the initial passion cools off, a mature, loving, compassionate, relationship takes over. That’s not to say it won’t sizzle sometimes, but being able to connect emotionally is what sustains a long-lasting relationship.
The other reason is when boredom strikes the relationship and leaves the relationship in a rut it can’t get out of. It’s so easy to do the same things you’ve always done, but this could lead to a ‘rut’ and eventually drain the relationship.
Nobody wants to feel like you’re with them out of habit, a beautiful habit though they may be. And when you are stuck in an endless cycle especially if it’s a chaotic and dissatisfied cycle, it may lead to your partner wanting to get out of that relationship and try new things.
The Loss of physical intimacy is another major reason. Lack of physical intimacy may cripple any relationship unless both partners try to rekindle that flame. Intimacy and physical affection is not just about having sex, it’s way more than that and it’s what holds a relationship together.
It includes any form of affectionate touch and can be as simple as touching his back as you walk past or playing with her hair while you watch TV. Anything skin-to-skin releases the same bonding chemicals in your brain as sex.
Physical intimacy communicates trust and love and is what makes an intimate relationship different to every other relationship. Loss of physical intimacy can be a stumbling block and is often the first step towards a loss of emotional intimacy. It’s such a critical part of a relationship that when it’s gone, people may be tempted to look for it elsewhere.
Though Sex is an important part of any relationship, for at least one of you. It’s just another way to fuel the intimacy of your relationship and let the person you love know that they matter. Of course, if both partners agree, a relationship can also survive happily without sex but in these circumstances there will likely be another source of intimacy and affection.
Finally, even the strongest relationships have their highs and lows. Being with someone means being attentive and being involved and this takes constant effort, but it is a beautiful reward when it works.
Don’t be fooled by fairy tales, perhaps they all come with happy endings but the love you want is one with no ending at all. And that will always take more effort than the flourish of a magic wand.
