By: Haja Hawa Koroma
Judgment can be one of the most damaging weapons in a relationship. It tells your partner that it’s not okay to be themselves.
This builds resentment in them and will eventually corrode even the most intimate relationships. Even if your relationship survives the corrosive effect of judgment, it still suffers. Judging those closest to you can make you and everyone else around you miserable; it is the ultimate destroyer of relationships.
When you judge someone, you are looking down at what they do in their life as not acceptable, or not good enough for you.
Before judging your partner you must consider that being judged by the person we love can be a devastating experience because they’re most likely the people we care most about and value their opinions above all else. So, hearing something nasty that comes from them might feel like a stab in the chest.
It’s true that the way the world is built on notions of right and wrong and social criticism everywhere, it can get to you. In every society and family, there are certain expectations of how we are to behave, who we must become when we grow up, and so on. One can lose himself in this whirlwind of expectations, and this can later turn into triggered judgment.
Judging a person means you can’t accept the words or behavior they showcase so you impose your standards upon them.
Judging your partner constantly scares them from being their authentic self with you because they’ll rather show you the part of them they know you want to see and would accept. This is so wrong because your partner should be the one person you feel so comfortable with to show parts of you that you don’t show to anyone else.
Some partners tend to be judgmental about their partners looks, highlighting every scar, blemish, stretch marks, their structure and all, what they fail to understand is that, a lot of women are already uncomfortable and not confident with their bodies because of one or two of the things I’ve outlined. What they need is partner who’ll constantly assure them of how beautiful they are and who will help them regain confidence with their skin and structure regardless of how it looks, not a partner who will be constantly reminding them of the way they look and how they ought to look.
Some partners especially men tend to so be so judgmental even in bedroom activities. For instance their woman may have gone all the way to do research or maybe watch videos all in an attempt to try different sex positions with their man to spice up the relationship, and when they do, they get disappointed by partner who will start accusing them of cheating saying that the only way they can learn and know all those things is because another man taught them to do it.
This is undone because a lot of men leave their women unsatisfied due to the fact that the woman may not be finding the love making pleasurable because of the repetition of the same things and positions.
If your partner is portraying behaviors that you don’t like, the best way to handle such situations is to advise them, help them realize why they should deviate from such behaviors instead of judging them cause judging them does not determine their change in behavior it just makes them want to hide from you instead of expressing their feelings to you.
