BY: HAJA HAWA KOROMA
If watching “Jane the Virgin” and “Grace and Frankie” on Netflix has taught us anything, it’s that, relationships are messy and unpredictable. Personal experiences proves it too, from our first love romance to our most recent breakup drama, it shows that loving someone is not easy, it’s a life lesson we know all too well.
No matter your status whether single, dating, engaged, or married, relationships take a lot of work. Whether they end up with tears and empty promises or they last until forever may depend on countless factors, but your actions, words and thoughts undoubtedly play a role. One thing that’ll give you an advantage in the game of love is soaking up all the wisdom you can from past relationships and ensure that you try to improve in what you were lacking in previous failed relationships and do not repeat the same mistakes in the new one, try to improve for the better.
For long lasting love, the more similarity e.g. age, education, values, personality, hobbies etc. the better. Partners should be absolutely sure that their values align with each other before getting married. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long lasting love. Both partners need to commit to making it work no matter what. The only things that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves.
It is very important to realize that everyone has a breaking point and if their needs are not met or they don’t feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else. Many people assume that just because they are ok without things they want so is their partner. The ‘No relationship is perfect’ phenomena shouldn’t be used as realization for complacent.
Saying and doing small, simple expressions of gratitude every day yields big rewards. When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they are happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger. Make small gestures that shows you are paying attention, like hugs, kisses, holding hands, buying a small gift, sending a card, fixing up a favorite dessert, putting gas in the car or just telling your partner how sexy they are or thank them for being so wonderful for you.
Loving relationships are a process by which we get our needs met and meet the needs of our partners too. When that exchange is mutually satisfying, then the good feelings continue to flow. When it is not, things will get sour and it might lead to the end of the relationship. That is why it is important to pay attention to what you and your partner do for each other as expressions of love not just how you feel about each other in the beautiful moments you share together.
Often times the way a problem is brought up determines how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Most times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism and one of the killers of relationship. So start the conversation gently, instead of screaming or yelling try a more gentle approach, focusing on your emotional reaction and a positive request.
These are only but a few tips to consider when considering going into a relationship, and they are also useful tips to consider if you are in a relationship.
