August 12, 2021
By Hafsatu Bangura
When the lockdown protocols were enforced earlier this year, our freedom, routine, and responsibilities within households were disrupted. Along with this, increased uncertainty, financial stress and burden of care have lowered our window of tolerance. For many, it has opened old wounds and led to persistent conflict at home. Children are forced to experience strained family relationship, interactions, day in – day out, without the solace of distraction and distance.
There is a great degree of variability in how interactions and behaviors occur within homes, and the pattern of these interactions forms the core of our dynamics. Families have a unique set of dynamics that affect the way each member thinks and relate to themselves, others and the world around them. Several factors including the nature of jobs, parents relationship, personality of family members, events(divorce, death, unemployment), culture and ethnicity(including beliefs about gender roles), influence these dynamics, the list is endless, and it is no surprise that growing up in an open, supportive environment is the expectation rather than the norm.
It’s Important to disclaim the idea of a perfect parent/family is a myth. Parents are humans flawed and experiencing their own concerns. Most children can deal with an occasional outburst as long as there is love and understanding to counter to it. “In functional families”, parents strive to create an environment in which everyone can feel safe, loved, cared for, heard, and respected. Households are often characterized by low conflict, high levels of support and open communication. This helps children navigate physical emotional and social difficulties when they are young, and has lasting effect/impacts as they transition into adulthood.
Alternatively, growing up in a dysfunctional family can leave children scare for life and affect them emotionally, mentally and physically throughout their lives. Hurtful family environments may include the following;
AGGRESSION- behaviors typified by belittlement, domination, lies and control. They may interpret the situation to fit the belief of normalcy, further perpetuating the dysfunction. This particular factor strain a person’s love life relationship with her environment and spouse. We display these characteristic traits in our relationship with our loved ones or people who actually love us. For example and abusive relationship may be due to the fact that one of the spouses must have had a horrible experience growing up in a particular situation and displaying such qualities.
LIMITED AFFECTION- the decision of physical or verbal affirmations of love, empathy, and time spent together.
NEGLECT- No attention paid to another and discomfort around family members.
ADDICTION- Parents having compulsions relating to work, drugs, alcohol, sex and gambling.
VIOLENCE- Threat and use of physical and sexual abuse.
For children, families constitute their entire reality. When they are young parents are godlike; without them they would feel unloved, unprotected, unhoused and unfed, living in a constant state of terror, knowing they will be unable to survive alone.
Children are forced to enable chaotic, unstable/unpredictable and unhealthy behaviors of parents. Unfortunately, children don’t have the sophistication to understand, verbalize their experiences, discriminate between healthy and unhealthy behaviors and make sense of it all.