By: Haja Hawa Koroma
We’ve all experienced emotional manipulation at some point in our lives, from family members, friends and most times our partners. It’s a lot more complicated than throwing a tantrum when your partner refuses to give you what you want or giving them the silent treatment until you get what you want, as unhealthy as it sounds it is normal in most relationships.
Your partner is someone you should trust, trust that they won’t blackmail you emotionally or gaslight you. Fear, obligation, guilt and gaslighting are some tactics that they employ to get what they want. We don’t even realize how unhealthy it is until it’s too late, and this happens most times because we don’t want to be alone.
There is no straight line or rule book to determine emotional manipulation, it comes in the subtlest form. It can be your partner manipulating your emotions and gaslighting you. It can also be in the form of threats, and not necessarily death threats but the subtle ones like you refusing to have sex with them or giving them something they request, and most times you will hear the “I will get it somewhere else” phrase.
They also punish themselves and make you feel guilty about what they do, or act like you triggered what happened or they “suffer” to make you feel bad by crying, and showing signs of pain or discomfort all in an effort to manipulate you.
A common tactic that is used in manipulating is gas lighting. If your partner when they’ve abused you, emotionally or physically they are sarcastic or says you are overreacting then that person is gas lighting you. They tell you are exaggerating the situation or being dramatic about something you clearly have the right to be angry about, they invalidate your feelings and make you feel small.
We most times don’t see the manipulation for what it truly is because we are so blinded by our affection for that person, so the relationship continues and it leads to marriage and you think you are finally going to get your ‘happily ever after’ and thinks it will end.
It never does, instead, they will have more edge over you because you both are now in a union that doesn’t break easily. So ask yourself this before you turn a blind eye and fail to address the manipulation in your relationship, Are you willing to put up with it for the rest of your life? Are you willing to let your children see you in that toxic relationship? And are you willing to sacrifice your lifetime happiness just because you want to get married?
The ideology of “all men are the same” is what traps a lot of women in unwanted relationships. Think that if they leave their current partner they are likely to meet the same version of him or worse therefore they might as well just settle for the person they already know. But know this, there are a lot of good guys and all men are not the same, they are a little bit difficult to find but with time you will get to meet a good partner who’ll treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
