By: Haja Hawa Koroma
One major mistake that most people make after ending a long term relationship is jumping right back into another relationship without healing the traumas of the past relationship or evaluating the actions that led to the breakup etc.
For some people, it works for them. They end up having a healthy and happy relationship with the next partner. But for the majority, it most times ends in another disaster break up.
The reason why it is very important to take your time before jumping into another relationship right after a long term relationship has ended is that you need to heal, otherwise you will just take all that anger and frustration into the next relationship and your new partner might not be able to handle that.
Also, you need to picture the events that led to the breakup and the part you played in it. Oftentimes we tend to ignore our flaws and don’t take responsibility for our actions. It might have been that your partner cheating on you or doing something extremely wrong that pulled the last straw to the breakup, has something to do with your behavior, actions and attitude towards them.
Perhaps, during the relationship you might have been doing so many wrong things that u didn’t notice were wrong and those things might have been the reasons which led to you and your partner having fallout and distancing each other. Or perhaps those were the little things that eventually turned into big situations wherein one of you ended up asking for the breakup.
So you need to consider all these situations and try to rebuild a better version of yourself before jumping into another relationship, otherwise, you will end up making the same mistakes and end up getting the same results.
Oftentimes, the reason why so many people jump into another relationship after a failed one is because of loneliness. Some people think that they can’t survive on their own; they think that they constantly need a partner for them to survive as they dread loneliness.
The thing is, you will always go into a relationship for the wrong reasons if you are that kind of person. You need to enjoy your own company, be happy with yourself and don’t depend on someone for your happiness. Do things on your own and be extremely comfortable with being alone. If a good person comes along let it be a bonus for you, not life support or a lifesaver.
The other reason why people tend to make this rash decision is to ‘people please’. So many people feel like they compete with their ex after breaking up. They constantly put pressure on themselves by trying to show who is happier after the breakup.
They also tend to jump into a relationship because they want to prove that they were not the problem in the relationship and that’s why they got a partner sooner than the other person. In most cases, they eventually end up breaking that relationship again because they went into the relationship for the wrong reasons, to begin with.
So, if you just got out of a relationship, especially a traumatic one, ignore everything and everyone around you and focus on rebuilding yourself. Relationships are not a means for survival, you can survive without a relationship so don’t put yourself under unnecessary pressure believing that you can’t go a week or months without being in a relationship.
Don’t compete with your ex after a breakup, because what works for them might not work for you. If it’s over, move on and only focus on yourself, not what your ex does or doesn’t do. Be the best version of yourself as that will attract a better version of the kind of partner you wish for.
