By: Haja Hawa Koroma
Are you dating your “spec” or settling? Have you ever dated outside your preference? Have you ever wondered if dating outside your “spec circle” might perhaps lead you to “the one”?
Being attracted to your partner is vital, if the relationship is going to last attraction must be present. When we’ve had our heart broken too many times or because of the “time clock” that society has inflicted on us, making us think we are running out of time to find love.
We tend to result to dating people whom we wouldn’t normally date just because we want to be with someone.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing; you can date someone outside of your “spec pool” and not settle. There is a thin line between settling and dating someone you are not physically attracted to, and more often than not we ever so slightly cross over the settling box.
We all have different things that attract us to someone, it can be their physical attributes, or perhaps their financial status, or their personality and the list goes on.
“A Spec” is usually limited to the physical attributes of that person and it most times do not have much to do with how they think or act. Some are lucky to find love in their spec while others do not.
Sometimes, because we are so laser focused on our spec, we choose not to see them for who they really are, and we tend to get blinded from seeing what they truly are.
Yes, it is important to date someone with good qualities, but it also important to date someone you are physically attracted to cause it is difficult to be in a lasting relationship with someone who doesn’t entice or arouse you.
But it is also important to not limit yourself to loving someone or dating someone just because the person ticks all your physicality boxes but lacks so many good qualities in other areas. Because when you date someone mainly because they attract you, that attraction may fade as time goes on and you will have problems if that person doesn’t have a good character.
So, if you were to choose between the two. Having to date your spec who doesn’t have a good character, or dating someone with a good character but isn’t your spec. Why not date someone who you would not consider your spec and see how it goes, who knows, their amazing personality might make you fall in love with them and that can build up physical attraction.
We tend to confuse settling as dating outside your preference, it’s a lot more than that. There is no perfect relationship, but date someone you feel satisfied with not just someone who is filling up an empty space.
Settling is basically dating someone who’s view is very different from yours and you disagree with theirs, their attitudes, values and habits do not align with yours but you choose to be with them, because of one reason or the other, and sometimes you do not even have feelings for them but you are just with them for on reason or the other, that situation is a ticking time bomb.
You must be careful in choosing the person you want to spend your life with, cause it’s a decision that has the tendency to change you completely.
Dating your spec is exhilarating and comforting, but don’t date them just because of how they look, it will fade one day. That beard is not going to stay forever, that breast is going to sag; the six-pack is going to be pot-bellied one day. Date people who will make that forever journey worthwhile and not just because of how they look.
