By: Haja Hawa Koroma
Infidelity is probably one of the most painful common traits that ends a lot of strong relationships, be it Marriage, or a relationship that is leading to marriage. It is always a debatable question of who cheats more between men and women, men will say it’s the women, women will say it’s the men, but the question of who knows how to cheat more is one that a lot of people has an agreeable answer to, and most people will say it’s the women.
Who cheats more? Who knows how to cheat more? Are irrelevant questions compared to why people cheat? I always say, one of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships when it comes to cheating is not asking this question. As dumb as it may sound, asking your partner what made them cheat may help to rebuild your relationship even if you might want to end it, and if you are ending it, the answer may help you improve in the next relationship and prevent actions that may lead to your partner cheating on you.
Everybody knows men are visual beings, they are attracted by what they see and that’s the reason why they most times cheat. And because we live in a society that encourages men to cheat they see it as a normal act. On the other hand, women are emotional creatures and they don’t usually cheat on their partner unless they love the person they are cheating with, that’s why when a woman cheats that person he’s cheating with could potentially replace their current partner.
One of the most common causes of infidelity is a sense of emotional disconnection from your partner. However, there have also been cases where only the thrill of doing something secretive and tasting the forbidden fruit leads to infidelity. There are numerous causes of infidelity, and each case is different from the other.
While some believe that it is the result of a loveless marriage, others believe that it results from a hasty decision that cannot be undone. Others believe that infidelity is nothing but a failure to work out relationship problems etc.
One of the commonly observed causes of infidelity is falling out of love with your partner or falling in love with someone else. Although you might find this reason to be insignificant to cause infidelity, this is one of the reasons why people cheat. Sometimes, you might not be able to know the real reason behind falling out of love with your partner, however, you both just happen to grow apart and fall out of love with each other or maybe one sided. But sometimes you gradually fall out of love due to the constant maltreatment that you’re receiving from your partner.
Another cause is, sometimes when a partner wants to sabotage a relationship because they are not just happy or they’ve had enough of all the problems in the relationship and every time they try to leave their partner is persistent on them staying and goes through extreme lengths just to make them stay but continue doing the same old stuffs they want to leave them for, they tend to cheat and sabotage the relationship just because they know if they do, their persistent partner will let them go and quit the relationship. The cheating partner would want to get caught and expects the other partner to break up with them.
Unfulfilled sexual desire is one of the glaring causes of infidelity. In most cases people who do not have a fulfilling sex life are likely to cheat on their partners as compared to those with pleasurable intimacy levels.
Also, some people claims to have a high sex drive which they think their partner alone cannot handle; this is not a legitimate reason for cheating on your partner because some of these issues should be discussed between you two until you arrive at a solution. But some tend to keep it to themselves and thinks the easy way out is to cheat instead of discussing it. So, if you find yourself grappling with issues in your sex life, it would be best if you could try discussing it with your partner and also as a partner be open to these discussions so as to ensure a safe space for discussion between you two instead of opting for infidelity.
Sometimes partners feel that they are not respected and appreciated enough in the relationship, which ultimately fuels marital discord. In turn, the disgruntled partners often try to fill the void by seeking solace in some other person’s company. And, in no time, they might crossover the boundaries of healthy friendship and resort to infidelity.
So, never miss out on these two ingredients- respect and appreciation, if you wish to see your relationship going a long way.
The feeling of being unwanted is also another cause. Some people try to seek love out of their primary relationship because they feel unwanted by their partners. This often results when one partner is living a very selfish life by fulfilling their wants and busy living their best lives not caring whether their partner is getting hurt by their actions and does not have time for their spouse.
When the other spouse starts feeling like their opinion and feelings don’t matter, they counteract the strong undesired influence of cheating. In their heads, this act will bring back their dignity and self-esteem and sometimes gives them the peace and happiness they want from their spouse. They want to show that they’re still there and they’re still worth it in somebody else’s eyes.
These are just a few causes as there are a lot more reasons than these. Be it a man or a woman, if you are faced with such situation, it is advisable for you to ask your partner and find out the reasons as to why they felt the need to cheat on you. Their answers might shock you, and do this calmly regardless of how angry you might be feeling because only then will they feel safe to express the reasons to you. Perhaps after hearing their reasons you may not feel the need to quit the relationship but will rather try your best to work on your lapses in order to build a stronger relationship between you two, a relationship where your partner would not feel the need to cheat on you.
And if the reasons do not make sense to you, or aren’t justifiable to you, at least you will leave the relationship knowing that you tried your best and the other person just ruin a good relationship and not because you gave them a reason to.
AFRICAN PROVERBS
To try and to fail is not laziness.
Seeing is different than being told.
No matter how beautiful and well-crafted a coffin might look, it will not make anyone wish for death.
Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight.
Confiding a secret to an unworthy person is like carrying grain in a bag with a hole.
A feeble effort will not fulfil the self.
Having a good discussion is like having riches.
Don’t think there are no crocodiles just because the water is calm.
He who refuses to obey cannot command.
Do not call a dog with a whip in your hand.
