BY: HAJA HAWA KOROMA
Why is it that African people thinks it is a taboo for a woman to want a man, to make the first approach or to initiate the conversation of dating a man? There are many irrelevant norms that society surrounds the female gender with; women have a right to be spontaneous too.
Women have been placed in so many categories that it is difficult for them to be their authentic selves, they are judged based on the way they dress, the way they form relationships, the way they talk, the way they behave etc. Women have now been categorized into the ‘wife material type’ and the ones they label as ‘slay queens’ or ‘unserious or unfit to be a wife and mother’ based on the aforementioned categories they have been placed in.
If a woman sees a man she likes, she has every right to make an approach to that guy and express her feelings for him, its fine if the guy isn’t interested it’s his choice, but it is not right to look at that woman as a plague or a taboo or as if she has committed a forbidden act.
Even the Prophet Muhammad’s s. a. w (peace be upon him) first wife Khadija was said in the hadiths to have been the one that first approached the prophet and asked him to marry her, out of admiration and trust that he had for the prophet. The prophet accepted her proposal they got married and among the many wives of the prophet Khadija was one of his favorite wives and she was also older than him.
This shows that it is religiously acceptable for a woman to propose marriage to a man. The African society sabotage women so much that even women now self-sabotage themselves in a quest to satisfy the eyes of the society.
So many women are not with the people they want and love because they just settle for the people that are available to them, with the fear of being rejected, or back bitted or be branded with despicable names for making the first approach to the man.
Some of these men makes it difficult for women to be this spontaneous because, instead of just saying a polite no to their request, they will carry that woman’s name up and down the community, will tell their friends who would make fun of the lady and some will go to the extent of calling the lady all sorts of names and degrading her, messing up her self-confidence for one simple act.
Some of the men will take advantage of the lady. They will say yes to the lady’s proposal just to get his way with her and then tell his friends and anyone who cares to listen that since the lady is demonstrating an act of foolishness he will help her get what she deserves.
And some of these ladies are not foolish, they might just be impulsive. These women might be very moderate and may have a flock of men running after them, but their hearts chooses this one person and they decided to follow their hearts and give it a try. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Women! We have been advocating for gender balance for ages, and if we want that we have to take it. Don’t tolerate some of these discriminatory acts of, ‘men are the ones that are supposed to do this, women are not supposed to do this’ mess with your confidence, be as spontaneous as you want, just make sure you have boundaries and be a proud woman. Being a good woman is not defined by how good you can cook or clean or do other household chores, the same as being a modest woman is not defined by your dress code or the fact that you approach someone you like.
The change starts with you. Women must have the freedom to do so and men must change their mentality that a woman that approaches you is a loose woman. Maybe that one person that you like will like you back but he might be scared to make a move on you, make a move if it doesn’t work it doesn’t. On the other hand, if it works out then you’ll be proud of yourself for making that first move. Stop settling for less and try your best to be with the one you want to be with.
A spontaneous woman is sexy; some men will fall head over heels for you just for that reason. They will admire your boldness because they have never been approached by a sexy woman, you being the first woman to do so will make you stand out.
Only boys will make you look foolish for making the first move, real men will make you feel like you’ve made the best decision in your life. Even if they are not interested due to one reason or another, they will never make you feel less of yourself; they will still treat you with utmost respect and appreciation.
AMAZING FACTS
Never Re-Friend a person that has tried to destroy your character, your money or relationship. A snake only sheds its skin to become a bigger snake.
Why cheat on someone you don’t want to lose, with someone you don’t want to keep?
Having knowledge but lacking the power to express it clearly is no better than never having any ideas at all.
Someone else’s enemy might be your own helper, be careful how you fight battles that are not yours. Do not become a collateral damage in another’s issue!
Be grateful for the hard times too, they have opened your eyes to the things you weren’t paying attention to.
No man is unhappy than he who never faces adversity, for he is not permitted to prove himself.
Everything changes when you replace excuses with effort. Everything changes when you replace blame with accountability. Everything changes when you replace entitlement with gratitude.
Only during hard times do people come to understand how difficult it is to be the master of their feelings and thoughts.
Private people know how to post on social media all day and still live a life you know nothing about.
In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take.
AFRICAN PROVERBS
Even the best dancer on the stage must retire sometime.
Family names are flowers, they bloom in clusters.
Gold should be sold to the one who knows the value of it.
He who doesn’t clean his mouth before breakfast always complains that the food is sour.
He who loves the vase also loves what is inside.
He who runs after good fortune runs away from peace.
If while climbing a tree you insist on going beyond the top, the earth will be waiting for you.
If you are filled with pride, then you will have no room for wisdom.
If you close your eyes to facts, you will learn through accidents.
Milk and honey have different colors, but they share the same house peacefully.
